I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
