ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
