Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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