where am i from again
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
