last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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