youre lurking in front of me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
