i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
