He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
