I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Soap is not a condiment
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
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