I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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