I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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