Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
