my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
