wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
