i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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