made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
