alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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