I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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