You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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