how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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