he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm at about main and main street
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
