You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
please come you make the beer taste better
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
