Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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