update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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