Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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