I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
