All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
