She said her name was "party"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
