I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
