No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
