I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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