dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is it because I queefed?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
