From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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