What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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