Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
