Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
