I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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