Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm just crazy horny about you
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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