The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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