the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
