I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
