when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
