I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just sent this text using only my big toe
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
MIDGETS
????
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
