Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
