At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
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the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
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That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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