whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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