omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
