cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
