I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
