Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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