And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
