Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
