So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
