you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
