so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
