I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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