And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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