shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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