How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
