we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
