I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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