just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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