have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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