I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
