i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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