The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
