i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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