two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
