You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
