idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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