I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
