I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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