She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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