He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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