he shaved USA in his pubs
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
